Many of you have asked me this question: in a nutshell, what is your approach to dealing with Cancer?
In response, here is the transcript of a short talk I gave, on receiving the 'Cancer Victor' award from the V-Care Foundation (Mumbai, Feb '08) .
I hope you'll find it worthwhile ... to read and to comment!
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"One thing I discovered very early in my cancer experience was a lot of statistics
Everyone throws statistics at you. It is as if statistics are a defence mechanism; nobody really wants to talk about the human side of it.
And when you look at the statistics, they are chilling. In the western world, 1 in 3 people will get cancer. Of those who get it, 1 in 2 will die from it, etc.
However, I don't want to be a “statistic”. I want to be an “anecdote”; I want to be one of those rare people who overcome those statistical odds. Those who can live with the 'prasad' of Cancer are anecdotes, and not statistics.
I have also realized during my journey, that when it comes to Cancer, much of our common language is extremely limiting.
I don’t like being called a “survivor”. I call myself a “cancer-thriver”. I thrive on my cancer. Cancer has made me a better person and I have grown as a result; today the work I do is far more fulfilling than my international corporate career was.
I don't like the description “cancer patient”. I prefer to be called the “cancer-impatient”, because the kind of subtle messages we get from words like “survivor” and “patient” often suggests something bigger and stronger than us, trying to keep us down, putting a block around us.
We talk about “fighting cancer”, “cancer monster”, “the Big C”, but to me the human spirit is far bigger, far stronger, far more optimistic, than anything that cancer can throw at us.
So I would like to share with you some of the things that I have learnt from my own experience, and that of my wife Nilima, who has faced this journey with me.
I have come to the conclusion that cancer comes to us as an opportunity to transcend our ‘self’. It takes us into a totally new realm of who we can be. That ability to transcend one-self can only come, when your very existence is under threat, it does not come from all the trials and tribulations of daily life. Cancer however, is different. All of us who have experienced cancer directly or indirectly know what cancer does to you. It makes you confront your own non-existence.
I also believe that cancer is not a “bump in the road, but a fork in the road”. What's “normalcy” after cancer? Your life cannot be “normal” after cancer. Cancer means that you've got to take a new direction, something the universe is pushing you towards, and those who take the fork in the road have a better chance of being an anecdote than a statistics.
I realized that when you first hear the diagnosis of cancer, you feel vulnerable, effectively you feel powerless. The doctors have the power, your family members have the power, or your priest has the power, and most patients never really reclaim that power. But at some stage, irrespective of the prognosis, the person experiencing cancer must reclaim their power. It is only when you reclaim your power that the rest of life tends to unfold. Or else we are living on some else's terms, not ours.
I also realized that very few people, including the best doctors in the world, could give me answers to specific questions. They can quote plenty of statistics, but invariably, their answers to pointed questions are different versions of “we really don't know”. Therefore you have to put in the work, do the research, talk to various people, and funnily enough there is plenty of stuff that one can do ... and learn.
That is how Nilima & I got into the field of holistic health: the whole mind-body-spirit area of diet, exercise, meditation, laughter, etc, and in pursuing this particular regime, I found myself in contact with a deeper part of myself, that I had never been in touch with, before.
And that is my definition of spirituality. When you can access your deeper self ... when you are in constant touch with your essential spirit ... that is spirituality.
Last, I would like to say that in many societies, especially in India, cancer is still taboo. People don't talk about cancer. We try to keep a lid on it as much as possible. Many of my relatives and friends were aghast when within 3 days of my cancer diagnosis, I wrote to about 500 people around the world, to openly share my diagnosis and my pain. Their response and support was overwhelming.
Today we work with people recovering from many life-traumas, including cancer ... and I have no doubt that when you reach out to help others heal, it is part of your own healing.
Therefore when you participate in the kind of work that V-Care is doing, it is what I call a “heal-heal” situation.
I thank Vandana and V-Care for giving me this opportunity to share my story with you."
